If you are like me, sometimes you just reach a boiling point and you need to vent. Maybe it is because of anger, maybe because of fear or hurt or pain. Maybe because you just feel like life is unfair. If you are a person of deep faith and you really believe God is in control and that God cares for you and loves you, then it can make the process of venting feel a bit more difficult. Who do you vent to? Who do you vent at? And when you get done, do you feel relieved or guilty—or a bit of both? I hit that point this weekend and it was a bit ugly. But today, I received just what I needed from the Lord in love and reminder. Here is the story.
Some major life changes over the last few months have put me in a place of deep reflection and soul searching. For me, many times that can be good and healthy. However, sometimes the enemy comes in and turns it into a pity party. Or worse, he turns it into a ‘let’s find someone to blame’ party. When that occurs the enemy always wants you to target the One in control.
There is no doubt that I have walked some dark roads over the past few years. I have felt pain. I have suffered loss. And at times (including recent days), I have felt like the Cross I am bearing, and have had to bear is just a bit too much. I kind of let God know in no uncertain terms that the promise of an ‘Easy Yoke” and a ‘Light Burden’ sure do not seem to a reality. Yesterday, I ended one of these vent sessions with a couple of lamenting questions toward my Creator. “Why do I seem to have to continue to bear such a heavy cross?” Followed by, “When am I going to get a break?”
I slept on that, after asking God to renew my hope and strength. Today during a time of quiet worship and prayer, the Lord answered me. First, He pointed me to a prayer prayed by King David in Psalms 6. Here is an excerpt of that passage:
“O Lord, do not rebuke me in Your anger, Nor chasten me in Your hot displeasure.
2 Have mercy on me, O Lord, for I am weak; O Lord, heal me, for my bones are troubled.
3 My soul also is greatly troubled; But You, O Lord—how long?
4 Return, O Lord, deliver me! Oh, save me for Your mercies’ sake!
5 For in death there is no remembrance of You; In the grave who will give You thanks?
6 I am weary with my groaning; [b]All night I make my bed swim;
I drench my couch with my tears. 7 My eye wastes away because of grief; It grows old because of all my enemies.
8 Depart from me, all you workers of iniquity; For the Lord has heard the voice of my weeping.
9 The Lord has heard my supplication; The Lord will receive my prayer.
10 Let all my enemies be ashamed and greatly troubled; Let them turn back and be ashamed suddenly.”
The Holy Spirit encouraged me to write down the following reflections from this passage:
First, I am probably deserving of both rebuke and chastening. No doubt that I have displeasured the Lord many times recently. Second, just like David, my prayer is that instead of receiving what I deserve, I am seeking mercy and healing. Why? Because I feel weak, defeated, and weary. I will plead the same cause as David. I am no good to God in the Grave. No one can share the story of God’s provision in my life if I am unable to do it, and there will be no thanksgiving from my voice, no praise to be given that will uplift and encourage others if I am just ended. Finally, I was drawn to conclusion and noted two powerful thoughts. There is NO answer from God back to David in this passage. There IS however assurance in David’s writing that God has heard his voice and received his request.
I closed my Bible and closed my notebook. I sat there for a few minutes in reflection and prayed thanks that God pointed me to that Psalm. It seemed to be just what I needed. Then something powerful occurred. The Holy Spirit spoke to me in both love and holy authority.
Here is what I heard in my heart. “Brian, I want to remind you of a story. Not just any story, but a story that you have shared many times in the past to encourage others. A story that has been included in sermons, teaching sessions, and counseling sessions where I inspired you to share it because someone needed to hear it. Now you need to be reminded of it. Remember the Cross Room.”
Instantly, I was alive with a renewed passion. I picked my notepad back up and began to write the story/illustration from memory. The old story goes like this:
There was a man who had become distressed and weary in his life journey. He is tired and feels that his time of enduring pain and loss has lingered undeservedly. He approaches God and boldly proclaims that the cross he has been called to bear may not be fair. It is just too heavy. He has carried it too long and too far. At times he feels he has had to carry it alone and in deep despair. Furthermore, he has looked around at others and concluded that many around him have crosses that seem more palatable. He has noticed that some are much smaller. Some appear much lighter. And some even have crosses that are ornate and even pretty to look at.
God should respond with rebuke and put him in his place, but instead He shows mercy and patience. God takes him by the hand and says, “Come with me.” God leads the man through a massive, ornate door and into a room that seemingly has no end. God says, “This is the Cross room. I am inviting you to spend as much time as you need looking around the room. I am granting you what you want. Before leaving, you may choose any cross in the room to exchange for the one you are bearing now.” Without hesitation, the man tosses his cross into the nearest corner and begins his search for a replacement. What he beholds is like nothing he has ever seen. The room seems to go on forever. There are crosses of every size and every color. Crosses fashioned from every type of wood within creation. There are tall crosses, and short crosses. There are even beautiful crosses with what appear to be embedded jewels and precious stones. The man begins his process of choosing a new cross. He picks up a cross that was much shorter than his, but soon realizes that it seems much heavier. He tries out a taller, skinny cross that has very little weight, but the length just keeps him from moving at all. He moves on to one of the shiny, jeweled versions which catches his eye. He soon realizes that the shine and beauty is actually created by embedded sharp stones and shards of glass that cut his hands and shoulders and cause extreme discomfort. After a while the man is starting to become discouraged. He starts to think that in this endless room of every imaginable cross, he just can’t find one better or easier to bear than the one he had before.
Then he spots it. Sitting in a corner by itself, it catches his eye. It is not the prettiest cross by comparison, but it does look just his size and height. He runs to it, and with great expectation picks it up. The wood is not the smoothest in the room, but it does seem better than others. It is not brilliant or fancy, but it is also not the worst looking cross in the room. It has a bit of weight to it, but it does not seem to overburden him. In fact, it does seem much lighter than the one he brought in for sure. He walks with it a bit and decides this is the one. He can handle this one, it is the one meant for him.
With anticipation of moving on in his journey with a new and easier cross to bear, the man brings the cross back to God and lays it at his feet. He proclaims, “This is the one God, this is my choice.” God lovingly looks at him and asks, “Are you sure? If you choose that one, it is yours. It is your cross to bear, so I want you to be certain and positive.” The man confidently responds, “Yes, without a doubt, I choose this one!”
God bows his head and says, “Your request is granted, that cross is yours.” Then very slowly God raises his head and looks then man in the eyes and says this. “Know this as you leave the cross room. That is the cross that you brought with you and you picked it up right out of the same corner you left it in.”
Luke chapter nine is a power packed chapter in the book of Luke. It has the first actual commissioning of the twelve disciples, a reminder of what Herod did to John the Baptist and that he is now looking for Jesus, the miracle of the feeding of the five thousand, Peter’s confession of who Jesus really is, and Jesus first prediction of his coming death and resurrection. Immediately following this prediction of his coming rejection and death, Jesus poses these words to this fascinated group of twelve. Luke 9:23-27:
23 Then He said to them all, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me. 24 For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will save it. 25 For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and is himself destroyed or lost? 26 For whoever is ashamed of Me and My words, of him the Son of Man will be ashamed when He comes in His own glory, and in His Father’s, and of the holy angels. 27 But I tell you truly, there are some standing here who shall not taste death till they see the kingdom of God.”
Later, when the multitudes are following Jesus and the excitement around Him is at a peak. Jesus again shares a similar foundational calling. Luke 14:25-33:
25 “Now great multitudes went with Him. And He turned and said to them, 26 “If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple. 27 And whoever does not bear his cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple. 28 For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not sit down first and count the cost, whether he has enough to finish it— 29 lest, after he has laid the foundation, and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, 30 saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish’? 31 Or what king, going to make war against another king, does not sit down first and consider whether he is able with ten thousand to meet him who comes against him with twenty thousand? 32 Or else, while the other is still a great way off, he sends a delegation and asks conditions of peace. 33 So likewise, whoever of you does not forsake all that he has cannot be My disciple.”
Some reminders God has been teaching me lately:
- I have a cross to bear, I chose that cross when I chose to follow Jesus
- The cross is mine and mine alone, and it is not for me to compare my cross to anyone else’s cross
- The cross is going to become heavy at times, and it might even be overwhelming.
- The cross may prove too heavy to bear alone, or even break me for a reason only known to God.
You say, “Wait a minute, what about that verse that says God will not allow more on us than we can bear. Doesn’t the Bible promise us that God will not place more on us than we can handle? Doesn’t God promise to remove extreme pain and suffering from my life when I feel overwhelmed?” Well, the Bible doesn’t say that exactly. There is an often mis-interpreted verse of I Corinthians 10:13. It says this:
13 “No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.”
This verse is talking about temptation and sin, not necessarily equal to pain, suffering, and loss. So, I suppose that if you are ‘tempted’ to lay down your cross and give up, then God promises a way of escape. Don’t mis-understand here, I am not saying that God does not deliver us from pain and suffering. I am not saying that God does not provide a way of escape. I am not saying that God does not know our limits. All of this is true. Throughout all of scripture, we have countless promises and assurances that this is true. I am saying that we should accept that God is at times going to allow us to bear a cross that may be more than we can handle on our own. Why? So that we will stop trying to bear the cross alone and focus deeper reliance on the only ONE who was able to bear the ultimate cross for our sake.
We are reminded firmly of this by the author of Hebrews in Hebrews chapter 12. Not ironically, this lesson immediately follows Hebrews chapter 11, which is a conclusive historical reference to those who bore their cross to legendary status. We love to reference these “Heroes” of the faith, however, we often forget the full story. Hebrews 11:32-38:
32 And what more shall I say? For the time would fail me to tell of Gideon and Barak and Samson and Jephthah, also of David and Samuel and the prophets: 33 who through faith subdued kingdoms, worked righteousness, obtained promises, stopped the mouths of lions, 34 quenched the violence of fire, escaped the edge of the sword, out of weakness were made strong, became valiant in battle, turned to flight the armies of the aliens. 35 Women received their dead raised to life again.
Others were tortured, not accepting deliverance, that they might obtain a better resurrection. 36 Still others had trial of mockings and scourgings, yes, and of chains and imprisonment. 37 They were stoned, they were sawn in two, [k]were tempted, were slain with the sword. They wandered about in sheepskins and goatskins, being destitute, afflicted, tormented— 38 of whom the world was not worthy. They wandered in deserts and mountains, in dens and caves of the earth.
Notice that some “Heroes” are recognized for miraculous deeds and powerful displays of God’s power. Some are recognized for enduring ugly pain and suffering. Interesting that those in the second group are not even named. Wow, that just doesn’t seem fair, does it? You mean that some are called to carry a cross that looks pretty and brings fame, and some are called to carry a cross that just appears to be ugly and painful. Apparently the scriptures like to paint the full picture of truth, and not gloss it over with the marketing of a mega-church pastor. The author of Hebrews sums up great truth for us in chapter 12. Hebrews 12:1-13:
“Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2 looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3 For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls. 4 You have not yet resisted to bloodshed, striving against sin. 5 And you have forgotten the exhortation which speaks to you as to sons:
“My son, do not despise the [c]chastening of the Lord,
Nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him;
6 For whom the Lord loves He chastens,
And scourges every son whom He receives.”
7 If[d] you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten? 8 But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons. 9 Furthermore, we have had human fathers who corrected us, and we paid them respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live? 10 For they indeed for a few days chastened us as seemed best to them, but He for our profit, that we may be partakers of His holiness. 11 Now no [e]chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. 12 Therefore strengthen the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees, 13 and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be dislocated, but rather be healed.”
The author just puts some icing on the cake with his final words of Chapter 12. Hebrews 12:28:
“Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom which cannot be shaken, let us have grace, by which we [l]may serve God acceptably with reverence and godly fear. 29 For our God is a consuming fire.”
Case closed. Forgive me Lord for doubting. Forgive me for complaining. Forgive me for forgetting. Thank you for hearing my cry with mercy and grace and reminding me to quit fretting about the cross I bear. Thank you for the re-aligning of focus toward the one who bears the cross with me and for me. The ONE who is the author and finisher of my faith. My new prayer?
“Jesus, bear with me and bear my cross with me. I will not quit the race. I will not be overcome with pain, loss, suffering, questions, or doubt. Please consume me with a greater consuming fire. And may the cross I bear serve to strengthen the faith of those who need it most ”
As David closed his lamenting prayer in Psalms chapter six.
“The Lord has heard my supplication; The Lord will receive my prayer.”
Amen!
Never forget…
18 For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. 19 For it is written: “I will destroy the wisdom of the wise; the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate.” 20 Where is the wise person? Where is the teacher of the law? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? 21 For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe. 22 Jews demand signs and Greeks look for wisdom, 23 but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, 24 but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. 25 For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength. I Corinthians 1: 18-25
Thoughts of Another Traveler... 
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